Lee Maracle

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empathy for Paulie. The fear gone, her tone took on the finality Paulie
now loathed.

The story lost all joy for Paulie. A hazy image of a woman, book
inhand, rose above the sound of the woman’s voice. There were smiles
all over her, even her hands seemed to smile as she reached for Paulie.
Her image tried to rise above the picture of screaming scarlet leaves.
The image of Mommy fought for a while with the picture of falling
leaves. He could see her mouth move. Her words failed to erase the
sound of the leaves who pleaded for their lives. He tried to bury the
sound of screamingleaves so he could hear hismommy. The screaming
wouldnotgoaway. Mommy’s soft voice could notdrown the screams
and, finally, the image of her lost the fight and the screaming leaves
seemed to weep. A lonetear hid behind Paulie’seyes. Ittried toescape
but failed. Fora brief moment Paulie felt sorry for the leaves. Hishand
wentup in the air as though to reach out and comfort them. They were
too far away. His hand hung suspended for a second, then fell
helplessly tohisside. He tried toremember theleaves, the woman,and
the sound of her, to hold the images still, but they slipped away.

Inthe days and weeks that followed peopledisappeared except for
the occasional visit by one or two of them at a time.

Paulie didn’t care much for the women who came unless they
brought other children with them. They tended to behave as though
he were each one of their personal toys. Gramma used these moments
to complain about him, called him a handful, and the aunt who was
visiting always supported her by bawling Paulie out. Big large fingers
were shaken at him for things he couldn’t remember doing. During
these times, Paulie learned to be inconspicuous. Asanauntarrived he
retreated to some corner and busied himself at nothing.

The uncles were easier to take. They accepted his invisibility more
readily then did his aunts. Gramma’s small complaints were met only
by grunts from the men. They never interfered with his upbringing in
the same way hisauntsdid. Wasn’tany of their business. Noone ever
talked about Mommy - notour way, they said. By the time Paulie found
the words to ask about his mom, he no longer wanted to know the
answer.

Mostly, the house was empty. It felt lonely. There was a deep
sadness all about the house. 1t filled every room. He stopped looking
out the window somuch. Itdidn’t seemto help. The feeling of sadness
grew almost comfortable compared to the wasted hope that lay in
searching the window for something he could no longer define.

Daddy came by once in a while in the beginning. He had grown
morose and Paulie came to dread his arrival. At the same time, he

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